The force is with you.

Its Thanksgiving day and my pre-bought meal from Bob Evans is in the frig, the dog show is over (whippet fyi) and so is the parade. A few movies have been watched and my body says go to bed but my head is up and ready to spurt out words and wordy words.

We had dinner it was good and bonus I didn't cry until about an hour ago. I had sat a picture of Mom and Dad on the hutch so I could have them with me in a way.  I wasn't able to look at it while we ate but it was comforting.

Its cliché to say but an old country song is running through my mind its about spending one more day with the ones you love but then then again it only leaves you wishing for one more day.  Something like that, its not legal to post the lyrics or I would have. Today I'm wishing for that one more day, one more time.

Since I didn't go home this holiday I hear the good stuff second hand. Luke my very youngest nephew (not yet in school) walked into Mom's today and she wasn't sitting in the living room in her chair. He was unprepared for that and he went to his Mom and Dad and told them he was mad at God for her not being home.

My grief is an undefinable noun sure you can define it by saying "sorrow caused by death" but it doesn't come close to really covering this huge disconnect between your head and heart. I am not mad at God because my parents aren't living but I am very lonely especially for Mom. I have this want to be thankful every time I think of them because I most always had a wonderful relationship with them. I don't want to pass on the sadness that pulls me into regrets and wishes. I know I went to see my parents at most every opportunity I had for the past 15 years, I know I helped them when I could and most of all I know I told them I loved them every single time I could.

Yes I think often how do I live a day without them because until now I hadn't but moment by moment I'm surviving. So for this holiday I have survived! I am not mad or angry! I'm just me pushing through to the next day or when I see them again.